Friday 5!

Random Thoughts on a Friday afternoon.

One

With all the crazy in today’s politics, it’s hard to look around and find that ray of sunshine, but there is one … it’s there, you just have to look really closely. Young folks are waking up and paying attention. It’s taken a long time, but it’s happening.

Two

There’s something wonderful about sitting and watching birds at a birdfeeder. It’s very calming… almost as good as watching a fish tank. I used to be really into fish when I was younger. I had a 90 gallon aquarium, a 55 gallon aquarium, and a host of smaller tanks. I spent a lot of time with fish. Bird Feeders are way easier, cheaper, and almost as good. Maybe this is why older, more experienced people love watching birds and don’t spend all their time, money, and effort on fish tanks.

Three

When I was in college studying to be a social studies teacher, I was nearly sidetracked by archaeology. I love history. I love archaeology. I love studying human culture, and so I took some anthropology classes and took some more anthropology classes and I almost changed my major. But the practical side of me won. I listened to that little voice that said “take the easy road.” Teaching offered security that archaeology does not. Fast forward 34 years and not one, but both of my children are archaeologists. Our family chat is a running account of their work, finds, and thoughts on those finds. My wife likes to say I ended up contributing my best work to the field, anyway. I think she’s right.

Four

Which brings me to The Road Not Taken. Not only is that one of the most celebrated, quoted, and best-known poems in American Literature, it’s also the most misunderstood poem in American Literature. The widespread misconceptions about it are ironic as hell. Most folks think it’s about the triumph of individual effort and fortitude. It’s not. It’s about looking back on your decisions and glorifying them. It’s about hindsight. It’s about trying to move beyond second guessing. A curse we all face and some even overcome. Here’s an excellent article on the topic.

Five

Given my number four, here’s some real irony for you…

I’m haunted by the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

I was sure that I wanted to be a teacher when I was a kid, but why? Maybe it was because my folks were both in education. Maybe I was scared to try anything else. See, I knew what teaching was about and I knew I could do it. What I was terrified of was failure.

When you grow up as a mediocre white kid with severe ADHD, a diagnosis most folks scoffed at as fake at the time, and a handful of learning disabilities, well, doing anything on your own is perilous. “What, you can’t spell?” That must mean you are stupid. I was called the “R” word more times than I can remember. It’s ironic that you can’t even type it now. Kids used it with me as a matter of course in the 70’s and 80’s.

Growing up neurodivergent in a world without any of today’s adaptive technology was hard, and one’s prospects were bleak. Being sandwiched in the middle of two smart and capable brothers made it all the harder for me.

I was in and out of special ed classes that were mostly self-contained. The day I started middle school, I was called to the counselor's office and told that I would be taking special ed classes, which were self contained. After years of heading to the “learning resource center” in elementary school, I wanted nothing to do with being singled out as “one of those idiots” and so I said “No.” The school’s response was not to encourage independence and support me, no… they said, “Fine, then you can sink or swim on your own.”

I dog paddled. My grades were terrible, but somehow I survived. High school was daunting. I failed as many classes as I passed. My high school guidance counselor told me I would never make it in college and so my father made them assign me to another counselor. He signed off on my graduation even though I did not have the math credits required. I think he just wanted to get me out the door.

I had only applied to one college, Ohio State. At the time, they had open admissions and so off I went. I spent my entire first year making up for classes I had not taken or failed in high school. I ended the year with a 1.1 gpa. I was on academic probation when I started my second year. That’s when I met my wife. That’s when things also snapped into place and I got serious about being serious.

I worked harder than I ever had and I graduated. Got married, raised a family, had a whole life. But every step of the way required me to fight my disabilities. I worked twice as hard for half the accomplishments. Now, with all the technology here to compensate for and ease those struggles, I have to ask… What could I have been and is it too late?

So, at 57 and staring down retirement after a long career in the classroom, I’m once again asking myself –

What do I want to be when I grow up?